Is My Heart Prepared to Deal with My Children's Sins?

       The last little while I've been thinking and praying a lot about how I train, care for, and discipline our children. I have often struggled with feeling like the Bible doesn't really give us a whole lot of specific advice when it comes to the nitty gritty, every day, down to earth details of how to train our children.

       Then a few days ago one of our children said something that was really quite cruel to a sibling. I was just truly grieved. I wasn't angry or frustrated – just very grieved. And then I thought - This must be how God feels when I sin. And I began to think that this is more the way that I should feel anytime one of my children sins, rather than becoming frustrated or angry, as I often do.

       I've started thinking a lot about God as our Father and how He deals with us, and realizing that if we take that perspective, there are boundless examples in the Bible of how we should correct and discipline our children. I keep thinking about Psalm 103:10..... “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities.” Now I don't think for a moment that we should overlook or ignore our children's sins. But I think that often, the way that I correct our children ends up being more than they deserve, because my correction is too often coupled with my own frustration or anger. I think I tend to see myself as being “over” my children. And then I end up “lording it over” them, rather than correcting with grace and humility. I wonder if it would be better to view myself as a more mature believer coming alongside a weaker one and helping them to grow. (Not to ignore the fact that parents do have a God-given place of authority in their children's lives.) If I were to confront or rebuke another believer who was sinning, I would come to them much more gently, humbly, and prayerfully than I generally approach our children when I need to correct or discipline them.

     I have been pondering and thinking about this question: Why does my children's sin annoy and frustrate me so much? The only answer I can come up with is that it is because it is inconvenient and difficult to deal with their sin. Once again I have to stop what I am doing to deal with a problem. I have to come up with a consequence when I am at a loss as to what to do about this issue. At the root of my anger and frustration is my own selfishness. The selfishness and impatience in my own heart cause me to be annoyed and angered, rather than being saddened and grieved. Surely this doesn't reflect the heart of our heavenly Father, who must continually deal with our sin, who gave His own Son for our sin. I can never deal humbly, gently and effectively with my children's sin when my own heart is full of selfishness. I need God to cleanse and change my own heart before I can help to change and shape my children's hearts. 

- Melissa