So all through that week before
Christmas (which you can read about here) I did a lot of thinking. In
between taking care of sick kids, cleaning up messes, and being sick
myself, that is. So many different thoughts have been swirling in my
mind, that I'm not sure how well I can do at sorting them out. But
I'm going to give it a try.
First, I was reminded how much I have
to be grateful for. I too often forget to be thankful for many
things I have that are very difficult to live without. Things like
running water, electricity, and heat. Because of the time we spent
without power over Christmas, in the midst of throwing up and
diarrhea, I was reminded how very privileged I am to have access to
these things that I usually just take for granted. I hardly ever
wonder if we will have a warm house, or if we will have water to
drink, or if we will have to use flashlights at night. I'm thankful
for my washing machine!! I really should have counted the number of
loads of laundry we did this week. It was a lot! I thought about the
fact that many people in the world would have been washing out all
those dirty clothes by hand. And all I had to do was toss them in
the washer. I'm so grateful for my children's good health. Of
course, they get the normal colds and occasional stomach bugs, but in
general they are very healthy. I can't imagine how difficult it
would be to watch a child deal with a truly serious sickness.
Watching our normally bouncing, lively three year old lay on the
floor for two days reminded me that good health is a great blessing.
I am incredibly grateful for my husband. He was off from school the
whole time we were sick, and he faithfully helped to care for
children and clean up messes, wash dishes, and find something for us
to eat when we weren't feeling well. Then he took care of me when I
was sick too!
The past week also reminded me how
selfish I am. My flesh cries out for comfort and ease, and I try to
avoid anything that causes discomfort and disappointment. I don't
want to be inconvenienced by sickness, or by the electricity going
out. I don't want to have to live in a cold house for several hours
while we wait for the electricity to come back on. I don't want to
spend half the night being awakened by a sick child. I don't want to
have to miss the Christmas program that I was so looking forward to
attending with my family. I don't want to give up my plans, my
expectations, my desires! I endeavored to do all these things that I
didn't want to do with grace, rather than with a complaining and
whining spirit, but I often failed. Even when I succeeded in
responding the right way, inside, my heart was often crying out that
“I don't want it to be this way!” There is so much in me that
needs to be transformed by the power of Christ.
I thought a lot about expectations
this week. I had made a lot of plans for the week – plans for fun
things to do with the kids, special foods to prepare, ways to make
special memories as a family. Well, all of my plans and preparations
were pretty much dashed to pieces this week. And I must admit that I
struggled with a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction at having
all my plans ruined. But you know what? It really was ok. We made
it through the sickness. We still had special times as a family. We
ate chicken noodle soup and crackers instead of sticky buns and
Christmas cookies.....but does it really matter? It's okay to plan
and prepare, but if I wallow in disappointment and self-pity when
things don't go the way I planned, than I must be holding too tightly
to my expectations, rather than gratefully accepting what God brings
each day. Oh, that I would learn to live with a trust-filled
expectancy instead of clinging to my own feeble expectations!
Finally, this week put some things
into perspective for me as I thought about my brothers and sisters
all over the world who lack basic necessities or are suffering
persecution. This was a tough week for us. It was exhausting and
messy, and it wasn't fun. But it wasn't anything compared to what
many around the world live with every single day. I don't know what
it means to live in truly difficult situations. I am very blessed.
I pondered what it means to celebrate
Christmas. There are lots of things that we do to make Christmas
meaningful and special, and many of them are very good things, but we
don't NEED them to be able to celebrate Christmas. Christmas is not
about presents, or decorated trees, or the candles and lights that I
love so much. It's not about cards, greenery, carols or special
foods. It's not even really about spending time with our families or
being able to attend church services. (And please understand that
I'm not saying that any of these things are wrong – I love them and
value them too!) Simply put, Christmas is a time of remembrance –
a time to remember the awesome, amazing fact that Christ Jesus became
a baby. He took on the limitations of a human being, became one of
us, so that He could live for us, suffer and die for us, and rise
again. Even if I am all alone, even if I have none of the things
that make Christmas special for me, I can celebrate Christmas as I
remember and thank God that “The Word became flesh and dwelt among
us.” (John 1:14a) Amazing!
So I can look back at this week,
difficult as it was in many ways, and thank God for it. In spite of
the hardships, there were lots of happy moments and good memories
mixed in. God used this week to draw me closer to Himself. He
showed me things that need to change in my life, attitudes that need
to be laid aside, and expectations that I need to let go of. And so
I can say, “Yes! It was a Merry Christmas!”
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